


The Phoenix

by clizziem



Series: Don't Smile at Me [14]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Trauma, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Katara is literally the best, Original Character(s), Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Protective Azula (Avatar), You know what that is? healing, zhao is an asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28639965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clizziem/pseuds/clizziem
Summary: Laura watches the little timer on her desktop count down to zero and she pushes away from her desk. She straightens her skirt and walks into the waiting room. She sees her patient before she even calls his name. The boy’s uncle told her he had a scar on his face in order to prepare her so she wouldn’t upset him.Zuko’s staring at the door like he’s wondering if he can make a break for it. Except his eyes are foggy and shiny. He’s about to cry.Snippets of Zuko's healing journey
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar) & Original Female Character(s)
Series: Don't Smile at Me [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079291
Comments: 18
Kudos: 276





	The Phoenix

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I can't be stopped. I thought I'd offer you some healing fluff before another dose of angst I'm coming up with.  
> Full disclosure; I have no idea how to write therapy (which is wild cuz I have been in therapy for ages) so sorry if this isn't super accurate.  
> Enjoy!

“How can you expect to heal if you won’t even talk!” Zhao roars. Zuko yelps and covers his ears. He cowers against the couch and feels more tears roll down his cheeks

“Sir you can’t-”

The door flies open and Zuko screams into the cushions. He’s seeing Ozai’s hands on his body and feels his rock hard chest against his back and he feels himself start rocking.

“That’s enough. We’re done here,” Uncle’s voice says. He’s not yelling but his tone is as unforgiving as a storm. A hand lands on Zuko’s arm and he flinches.

“No, no!” He sobs out but the hand doesn’t leave. It’s soft and familiar.

“Nephew,” Uncle says gently. “Let’s go.”

Zuko nods and slowly uncurls himself from the couch. He takes his uncle’s hand and lets himself be led out of the office and back to the car.

Uncle buckles his seatbelt and looks over and him.

“I’m so sorry, Zuko. If I had known-”

Zuko shakes his head. “Not...Not your fault.”

Uncle puts a hand on Zuko’s head and scratches his scalp gently. Zuko hums and leans into the contact. Azula discovered that scratching his scalp calmed him down back when they lived with Ozai. She must have told Iroh at some point.

“I know that was awful, but I did arrange just one other appointment. I can cancel if you want to go home,” Iroh says.

Zuko nods. “Home. Please,” he mumbles. Uncle nods and drops his hand.

“I have high hopes for this one,” he says. “I think she’ll be good for you.”

“What do you mean a therapist yelled at him?” Azula asks at the dinner table, being careful not to shout. Iroh shakes his head at his plate.

“I don’t really know what happened. I had been instructed to leave the room.”

Azula turns to Zuko and puts her hand on his wrist. “Are you okay?” She asks seriously. Zuko nods and keeps pushing food around on his plate.

“Nephew, I know today was hard but you need to eat something,” Iroh says. Zuko doesn’t say anything. He just stares at his wrist and hand. He hates how they’re still bruised. They’re healing, but they’re an ugly green/yellow/blue color.

Really, all of him is that same ugly green/yellow/blue.

“Do you want to take a bite together?” Azula asks.

“No,” Zuko snaps. He pushes his chair away from the table and lets his anger flow through him. He storms up the stairs and hears Iroh’s voice.

“Let him go. I think he needs to be angry.”

Zuko slams the door to his and Azula’s room and just stands for a second. Fuming. Then he goes over to his bed and kicks his dresser before curling into a ball on top of his comforter.

For the first time since leaving his father’s house, he wants to get help.

And when he goes to get it, he’s shouted at.

Maybe he was right. Maybe he is too far gone. Maybe he’s just going to suffer for the rest of his life.

He’ll never stop being afraid to talk in class, even though he sometimes has things he wants to add to the discussion.

He’ll never get to watch Sokka’s soccer games, even though he knows the yelling at those games is not directed at him.

He’ll never get to get a full night’s sleep, even though he could pass out right now.

He buries his eyes in his knees and starts crying again.

He thought he had a chance at a normal life.

But it seems it’s not just his father who’s determined to make that impossible.

It’s everyone.

He wants to be done, but Iroh’s not having it. The next morning, Zuko’s in the car with his uncle again to see another therapist. He doesn’t respond to Iroh on the drive.

He’s so tired.

His encounter with Zhao triggered a bunch of nightmares and he didn’t sleep for more than an hour during the night. He kept seeing Ozai looming over him with his fists and feet pounding into Zuko’s stomach and face and chest.

He’s still having tiny flashbacks, where things play vividly in his head but he can still see.

He almost hates those more.

“Come on, nephew,” Iroh says when he turns off the car’s engine. “Please. Just try.”

Zuko sighs and shuts his eyes. He just wants to fall asleep and never wake up.

“Zuko?”

“Fine,” he mutters and unbuckles. It’ll be over in one way or another soon enough.

As soon as he steps foot in the waiting room, he hears Ozai telling him to keep his mouth shut and the tiny scars on his hip start to burn.

He swallows thickly and tries not to cry.

God, he wants to go home.

Laura watches the little timer on her desktop count down to zero and she pushes away from her desk. She straightens her skirt and walks into the waiting room. She sees her patient before she even calls his name. The boy’s uncle told her he had a scar on his face in order to prepare her so she wouldn’t upset him.

Zuko’s staring at the door like he’s wondering if he can make a break for it. Except his eyes are foggy and shiny. He’s about to cry.

“Zuko?” Laura calls. The boy jumps and his uncle puts the magazine he was paging through down on the table beside them. Zuko follows Iroh into the room and Laura smiles as warmly as she can at the boy.

“It’s nice to meet you, Zuko. I’m Laura,” she holds her hand out and he flinches back. She doesn’t speak nor does she move her hand. If this boy has a history with abuse, it’s best to just let him see she means him no harm. Which means not giving up on touching him. Zuko eyes her hand and then stretches his own out. He doesn’t grip her hand, probably so he can escape if he needs to, and she’s careful not to shake his bruised hand too hard.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, too,” Iroh says and holds his hand out. Laura shakes his a little firmer and then sits down in a chair across from them.

“So for this first session, I’ll talk with both of you for the first half and then I’ll speak with Zuko alone for the last half. Sounds good?” She asks. Zuko doesn’t say anything. Or even move. He stares at his hands folded in his lap and trembles slightly.

He’s terrified.

“Sounds excellent,” Iroh says.

They begin by going into a little detail about what Zuko dealt with for the past sixteen years and Laura’s already noticing little things about the teenage boy in front of her.

For one thing, he hasn’t said a word. But the more concerning thing comes when she asks him a direct question.

“Can you tell me about your friends, Zuko?” She asks. All of his fidgeting stops and he glances at Iroh, then at his lap, then at Iroh again. Laura bites her lip and then smiles at Iroh.

“Mr. Hayashi, I’m so sorry, but could you step out for a little bit?” Iroh nods gravely and stands up. Zuko follows his path with his eyes and then faces her. Wide-eyed and terrified.

Laura closes her notebook and leans a little closer to him.

“It’s okay. I just want to ask you some questions.”

Zuko’s breathing accelerates exponentially.

“Take a deep breath, first, okay?” She says and takes one herself.

Zuko’s is shaky, but it’s deep and seems to center him slightly.

“Are you not comfortable answering me with Iroh in the room?” She asks. Zuko cowers away from her a little. “You don’t have to speak,” she reassures. “But if you could nod or shake your head, I would really appreciate it.”

Zuko pulls his knees to his chest, protecting his vital organs, and nods.

Laura makes a note in her notebook and smiles at him. “Thank you. This time, if you could use your words, I would really love it but otherwise,” she gets up and goes to a drawer that’s typically only for really little kids but she finds a whiteboard and a marker and puts it on the coffee table between her and Zuko. “you can write it.”

Zuko reaches for the whiteboard and marker. “Can you tell me why Iroh being in here makes it harder to talk to me?”

Zuko starts writing and slowly, he stops shaking. He flips the board around to show her and she leans forward to read it.

_ My dad told me not to speak to doctors when I was in the hospital _

Laura makes another note and nods to Zuko. “Aha. He kept you quiet so you wouldn’t tell anyone he hurt you?”

Zuko nods.

“Has Iroh hurt you?” She asks. Zuko quickly shakes his head with wide eyes. “Okay. Just had to check. You’re having a trauma response, I just had to make sure you aren’t in danger.”

Zuko doesn’t say anything but he starts erasing his whiteboard. Laura opens her mouth to start speaking again, but Zuko’s already writing.

He flips the board around.

_ I’m sorry I’m hopeless _

Laura shakes her head. “You’re not hopeless.”

Zuko wipes his board and sets it down. “How...How can I...heal if I...don’t...talk?” He asks. His voice is raspy and a little hoarse. Almost like something damaged his vocal cords.

Laura shrugs. “First of all, you wouldn’t be the first person who sat in this room in silence. Second, you’ll never be healed from the first session. The first session is about trust. If what you need to do is sit here silently, that’s what we’ll do.”

“I...I don’t. I want to get better,” Zuko says quietly.

“I’m sure you do. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. Even if your uncle is orchestrating this.”

Zuko’s quiet again. Then, “We saw someone yesterday. He...He yelled at me when I couldn’t talk to him.”

Laura breathes through a flare of fury. “Well then, he’s a terrible therapist and I’m glad you’re here.”

“But...I-”

“Zuko,” Laura begins. “I meant what I said. If you ever just need to sit in silence, that’s what we’ll do. I can gather enough about you to know what tools to teach you.”

“I don’t want to not talk,” Zuko mumbles. “I just don’t know how.”

“You’re doing a great job. It took a lot of guts to come here today. Especially after being yelled at by the last guy.”

Zuko shrugs.

“I can tell you’re very brave,” Laura says and Zuko covers his left eye. “And that you’re ready to take on recovery.”

“I can’t live with it anymore,” Zuko mutters.

“I know,” Laura says. “You won’t have to suffer anymore soon.”

Zuko falls onto his bed and Azula glances over at him.

“Did it go okay?” She asks.

“Yeah,” Zuko murmurs. “I like her.”

Azula reaches over and gives his hand a squeeze. “Good. Now get better,” she adds teasingly. Zuko giggles and rolls onto his side.

“I want to.”

He writes down his goals and turns them in to Laura next session. She reads them over and smiles.

“You’ve so got this,” she says.

He starts telling Iroh things Ozai did to him. He talks about getting grabbed in the hall and dragged into his room or Ozai’s room and getting beaten black and blue. He talks about the cruel words Ozai threw at him. He talks about what it felt like when his mom left and how guilty he feels about Azula stepping up to take care of him. He talks about Christmas and birthday presents being tossed in the trash or the fireplace. He talks about clothes shrinking and how badly he was beaten for asking for new ones. He talks about his phone being ripped from his hands and his ankle crushing and abdomen aching.

Iroh listens and vows to him that nothing like that will ever happen to him again.

Azula listens and holds him tight.

“It shouldn’t have been my job,” she says. “But I don’t regret doing it for a second.”

He goes on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications and it takes a while to find the right balance but one day he wakes up and his heart isn’t pounding. His fingers don’t feel cold and he isn’t shaking. He feels...happy isn’t the right word but there’s no fear of the new day. He runs downstairs and practically jumps up and down in front of Iroh.

“Is this what it feels like?” He asks, giggling in awe and wonder. “Is this what being normal feels like?”

Iroh chuckles and Azula hides her laughs in her coffee mug. “I wouldn’t really know, nephew, but it certainly might be.”

When Sokka comes to bring him over to Aang’s house, Zuko runs into his car and kisses him.

“I’m not anxious and I don’t feel like dying!” He exclaims. Sokka laughs and pulls him into a hug.

“I’m so happy, baby.”

It doesn’t last the whole day and things do still make him anxious, even on the meds, but nowhere nearly as bad as before.

There’s a whole week where he just has flashback after flashback and he shows up in Laura’s office in tears.

“They might not ever completely go away,” Laura says. “But you can stop them once they start.”

“How?” Zuko asks with tears running down his cheeks. “I thought I was doing better.”

“You are,” Laura says. “But recovery, of any kind, isn’t liner. You’ll have ups and downs and eventually, it’ll get steady.”

Zuko wipes his eyes and glances at her. “So this is just a Down?”

Laura nods. “Just a Down, Zuko. It’s up to you to turn it into an Up.”

“How...How do I stop the flashbacks?”

“Well,” Laura says. “You can try a mantra to remind yourself you’re safe and you weren’t at fault.”

“Like what?”

“‘It was cruel and it was wrong,’” Laura suggests. Zuko’s about to speak but then the room vanishes and he’s in a hospital bed. He’s watching his father cut his skin with scissors and he can feel each and every mark.

He whimpers and squeezes his eyes shut but the image doesn’t go away.

“Try it now,” Laura’s voice says.

“I-It was cruel...and it wa-was wrong,” Zuko says.

“Keep going, until you’re here with me again.”

“It was cruel and it was wrong. It was cruel and it was wrong. It was cruel and it was wrong,” he opens his eyes. The scene is fuzzy and grainy. It’s going away. “It was cruel and it was wrong. It was cruel and it was wrong!” He shouts the last one and the image vanishes. He looks over at Laura and starts crying. “I-I did it.”

Laura smiles at him with a tear on her cheek. “I’m so proud of you.”

Zuko looks at the stands and sees his friends gathered by the gate. His heart starts pounding again and his hands start shaking.

“Hey,” Azula says from the driver’s seat. She puts the car in park and holds his hands. “Look at me.”

He looks up at her and she stares him down.

“You’ve got this. It’s only for two hours. And those idiots will be with you the whole time.”

“I wonder if you want to find another word to describe your brother’s friends,” Iroh says from the backseat. Azula cuts eyes at her uncle and then looks back at Zuko.

“Those idiots will be with you the whole time. They’ll make sure you’re okay.”

Zuko nods and unbuckles his seatbelt. Iroh gets out and gives him a quick hug. “We’re only a text away if you need to come home.”

He nods again and goes over to his group. Aang greets him just as cheerfully as ever but he can see Suki and Katara looking a little concerned. They start heading up to the bleachers and Katara holds onto his arm.

“I have some fidget toys in my bag. They’re mostly for Aang but if you need something to do with your hands tell me.”

“Thanks,” Zuko says and squeezes her. She immediately responds and gives him a little peck on the cheek. When she did that the first time, he got flustered and scared but Toph told him she does that to all of them. Even her and Suki. Soon it became one of Zuko’s favorite parts of Katara.

They get to a spot and sit down until the band starts playing and the teams run out onto the field. The cheering starts and Zuko grabs Katara’s hand.

“You’re safe,” she says, just loud enough for him to hear. “We’re cheering for the team; no one’s going to hurt you.”

They lose. But Zuko stays for the whole thing. The group makes their way to the field to grab Sokka and Zuko wishes he could capture the look Sokka gives him and keep it forever. Sokka pushes past Jet and Haru and throws his arms around Zuko, picking him up and spinning around.

“You came!” He squeals and puts Zuko down to grab his face and kiss him. Zuko melts against him and holds onto his shoulders. “You came and you made it through!”

Zuko pulls away and lets his forehead rest against Sokka’s. “I did it,” he whispers. Sokka presses a kiss on his forehead.

“You did it.”

Mr. Vargas walks down the line of desks and waits for a response. No one says anything and Vargas raises an eyebrow.

“No one has any other interpretations for  _ Frankenstein _ ? Really?”

With a pounding heart and light head, Zuko lifts his hand. Vargas’s eyes go wide for a second. Then he softens. “Yes, Zuko?”

“Um,” Zuko starts and suddenly starts shaking. Too many eyes are on him. “I...I thought it might be…” he trails off with a soft and unsteady breath.

“You’re good,” Vargas says kindly. “Keep going. Take your time.”

“It m-might be an...an argument about...about what it would be li-like if men acted in women’s roles,” he says.

Vargas grins at him. “Can you elaborate?”

Zuko takes a deep breath but can’t ignore a snicker from Jet. Suddenly his eyes feel wet and warm.

“Mr. Hun, is something funny?” Vargas asks. Jet clears his throat.

“No, sir,” Jet says. 

“Go on, Zuko,” Vargas says while glaring at Jet.

“Uh, um, I-I thought it might...be a message about...if men could...bear children it-it would be...a disaster,” Zuko says. Vargas drops his glare and gives him a smile.

“Yes, okay so that contributes to the feminist viewpoint Shelley is-”

Zuko doesn’t hear the rest of what Vargas says. He’s trembling but he hides his smile in his fist.

He’s never raised his hand in class before.

He’s wanted to for so long but...he couldn’t.

And now he can.

He’s going to get hell from Jet once he’s in the hallway but he doesn’t care.

He participated in class for the first time.

“Do you feel okay?” Laura asks him.

“Not okay,” Zuko says to the fidget toy in his hands. “But better.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Next part will probably be up tomorrow or something :)


End file.
